Brood (/not)!

I was thinking. 

Sorry, not thinking - brooding.

But, both mean the same!

Rest assured, they are not.

While thinking is constructive, brooding, generally is destructive.

Brooding, is, in fact thinking in circles.

"One fine day - I was eating.

I thought let's eat a sweet - a little sugar never hurt anybody - right?

Wrong!

Why? Because the other instant i started fretting about gaining weight!

And further alarm about having to buy new clothes for which I had neither money, time nor patience!

Time! Gosh, these days are busy!

Work eats most of the days and weekends left just pass you by.

Work - am I doing the right thing?

It is not what I have always wanted to do!

At this stage, when I should have travelled the world or at least half of it - I am confined to the walls of my, well, intellect!..."

And thus ensues the soliloquy -

With none to amaze - not even yourself!

That's what thinking in circles does and is!

One fine day you are fine and trust me you are but the next minute brooding has painted a different picture of you, for you!

Bottomline - while we can't help brooding, overthinking that is to say - most of the times, we can still be at peace by the mere act of acceptance!

Accepting that brooding is fine, normal or even beyond normal and so are you!

Because brood or not - all's well!!!

When you are psuedo-silent

My brain never stops talking

From the time I open my eyes to the time i fall asleep,

And even when i am asleep

It keeps on muttering and uttering letters, syllables, words, sentences of the widest variety of bizarre things discoverable, even undiscovered.

And like the wind it touches on one topic and jumps on another sensibly at times and senselessly, randomly almost all other times.

And i try to catch up with it earnestly -

and almost every effort turns futile 

As i am amusingly awestruck with its to the face audacity

And my poor heart mostly too can't keep up with it -

for the brain takes it on a rollercoaster ride of emotions - overwhelming it

While it(the brain) is patting its back in its narcissistic ecstacy.

It takes me to places unknown, unheard of and even unimaginable to reality.

And although i can't fully comprehend it, 

I try to marvel the journey it embarks upon everytime.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed, disgusted, teary-eyed even at what it does to me.

But for most part I'm thrilled, anticipating the next adventure it has in store for me!

Because you see, my brain just won't stop talking and overwhelming me

But, to tell you the truth, just between you and me, I don't even ever want it to!

नारी

🙏

 

My mother's depiction of the poem...

इस विश्व को जन्म देने वाली

इस विश्व में जन्म लेने वाली

जननी, पुत्री

सरस्वती, लक्ष्मी, दुर्गा, काली

सृष्टिकर्ता, सृष्टिविधाता

अलंकार, अग्नि, समृद्धि, सौम्यता

कर्ता भी, कर्म भी

तेजस्वी भी, शीतल भी

माँ की ममता भी, पुत्री की मनमौजी भी

तपस्वी का तप भी, अप्सरा का आभूषण भी

आक्रोश भी, शांति भी, 

सर्वगुणी, सहिष्णु, 

परमात्मा की पराकाष्ठा —

नारी!

A Whirlpool of Emotions...

Sometimes I wonder -

Like, really wonder —

Within the confines of my intellect

Take a deep dive into the intricacies of my brain 

And wonder what really goes wrong

Why am I the way I am

And behave the way i do

What really went wrong!

That is to say if really things, really went awry!

I swim in this mighty mind's ocean

And trust me I find many answers not one

And not one does justice to the complex complexity our brain is!

And yet as I dig deep and try to unravel the mysteries of my brain —

You know what might really happen

I might learn to live 

Ever so erringly 

And ever so beautifully

In this world, which is —

So wrong and so right

All at once!

And to top it all - beautiful in every which way!

I am not perfect, the world is not perfect

Which makes it the epitome of imperfect perfection!

My heart swells with emotion, my mind reels with pride 

On being born - on being bestowed this ever so wonderful gift called life!

And as long as I decipher or mystify this puzzle even more!

I don't really care!

I make an attempt to ever so wholeheartedly live!

And I know like we always do —

we all make this life — the most joyous gift — the most worthy of all 

that's bright and beautiful 

in this whole wide world!