#Mental health matters. More power 💪 to anyone going through difficult times 🙏. Wrote this in the wake of some difficult time.
Disclaimer: Just tried to paint my agony in words, all's well.
😔
Sometimes I want to disappear.
Heck, I want to disappear now.
In the darkest of doom
I want to be engulfed
Its clouds so thick, with my tears welling in them
I want to disappear
Behind the lens of my imaginary spectacles
Or somebody else's
I want to cry
I want to cry out so faint and yet so loud
My vocal chords collapse.
I want to burst out of the clouds
Teardrops pouring down cats and dogs
Cats and dogs, I envy them sometimes
Their brains or rather, the lack of them
Don't stress themselves nor stress others.
Stress is the only constant in my life
I've known in all shapes and forms.
While, some say change is the only constant.
Yes, change is when it takes the form of stress of any form, in my case anyhow.
Gosh! I am so stressed I can't tell if it's morning or noon.
The mornings disappear into noons and the noons to midnights.
And the midnight has me succumbing to stress and I can’t sleep
Can't rest
For stress won't let me
I digress and digress and disappear and reappear
Into daydreams which turn into nightmares at night.
These days seem like I am living a nightmare.
Only nightmares are easy, you get to wake up out of them.
I wish I wasn't such a pain, I wish I had known less pain.
Only if wishes were reality!
Such an irony! My wishes are my reality ‘coz i know no reality!
I feel like I am a ghost
scaring the shit out of myself
Only if I hadn't been as depressed
I would read this as funny
I wish I was funny, the only thing funny right now is my existence or rather, the lack of it.
I feel I am dead - inhaling and exhaling the last few breaths of my existence.
I feel so dead I can't tell the moon from the sun, nor the sun from the stars
I feel like I am a star
Not any star - a black hole - a star which has consumed itself -
So much that neither light nor life nor hope can escape out of it.
Yes, I am a black hole.
Devoid of any hope or future
Pitch dark!
Oh if my thoughts were weapons, I would've murdered myself!
Alas, I am lying on bed writing this gibberish lest it turns into poetry.
Poetry is the only thing I am good at lately, it seems
Keeping me alive
My life, rather the lack of it, would've deserted me and claimed me dead eons ago otherwise!
