The real success

Success means different things to different people

A flourishing career/ perfect relationship/ astounding health/ meaningful friendships...

The list is endless...

And while it can be all of these things or none of these 

It solely depends on your perception 

And at some point you realise that actual success is far greater than you

Your perception 

Your being 

While it is about you of-course

It transcends you too

Always the bigger picture

Isn't it?

While at some point we all chase success

Real success doesn't need to be chased

The greater good/ service to humankind/ a life lived/ a life loved

These might actually mean more than you and me and maybe success 

And more...

And when you have it figured out, I believe that -

Is the real success!

You have Yourself - And the world resides in You!

Solitude teaches you

That you never really are solitary 

You have yourself

Your biggest support system -

To hold your back

Always!

And times can be rough,

As they sometimes will be;

When, you might feel alone

But, it might seem that way

You never really are alone

You have yourself!

To support

And count on -

Come what may

Night and day -

And that will make all the difference!

So, the next time you feel cornered

Remember this, you are not!

You have yourself -

And the world resides in you! 

Depressed Monologue

#Mental health matters. More power 💪 to anyone going through difficult times 🙏. Wrote this in the wake of some difficult time.

Disclaimer: Just tried to paint my agony in words, all's well.

😔

Sometimes I want to disappear.

Heck, I want to disappear now.

In the darkest of doom

I want to be engulfed

Its clouds so thick, with my tears welling in them 

I want to disappear 

Behind the lens of my imaginary spectacles

Or somebody else's 

I want to cry

I want to cry out so faint and yet so loud

My vocal chords collapse.

I want to burst out of the clouds

Teardrops pouring down cats and dogs

Cats and dogs, I envy them sometimes 

Their brains or rather, the lack of them

Don't stress themselves nor stress others.

Stress is the only constant in my life

I've known in all shapes and forms.

While, some say change is the only constant.

Yes, change is when it takes the form of stress of any form, in my case anyhow.

Gosh! I am so stressed I can't tell if it's morning or noon.

The mornings disappear into noons and the noons to midnights.

And the midnight has me succumbing to stress and I can’t sleep

Can't rest

For stress won't let me

I digress and digress and disappear and reappear 

Into daydreams which turn into nightmares at night.

These days seem like I am living a nightmare.

Only nightmares are easy, you get to wake up out of them.

I wish I wasn't such a pain, I wish I had known less pain.

Only if wishes were reality!

Such an irony! My wishes are my reality ‘coz i know no reality!

I feel like I am a ghost 

scaring the shit out of myself

Only if I hadn't been as depressed

I would read this as funny

I wish I was funny, the only thing funny right now is my existence or rather, the lack of it.

I feel I am dead - inhaling and exhaling the last few breaths of my existence.

I feel so dead I can't tell the moon from the sun, nor the sun from the stars 

I feel like I am a star 

Not any star - a black hole - a star which has consumed itself -

So much that neither light nor life nor hope can escape out of it.

Yes, I am a black hole.

Devoid of any hope or future

Pitch dark!

Oh if my thoughts were weapons, I would've murdered myself!

Alas, I am lying on bed writing this gibberish lest it turns into poetry.

Poetry is the only thing I am good at lately, it seems

Keeping me alive 

My life, rather the lack of it, would've deserted me and claimed me dead eons ago otherwise!

कल-युग?

हमारे ज़माने में TV को idiot box कहते थे क्योंकि लोग smart होते थे -

और अब?

समझ गए होंगे (या नहीं! - smart हैं आख़िर?)

अब तो सब smart हैं -

Phones, fans, bulbs, glasses! 

फिर इंसान कैसे पीछे रह गए?

कहीं हर gadget को smart बनाते बनाते - हम ख़ुद बेवकूफ़ तो नहीं बन गए?

Smartphones देखते हुए समय बर्बाद करते हैं

Smart TV देखते हुए आँखें!

फिर smart glasses पहन कर रुतबा कायम करते हैं?

अपना दिमाग़ यंत्रों में डालकर Artificially intelligent कहलाते हैं?

क्या विडंबना है –

Drive करके walk करने जाते हैं

Rumba झाड़ू पोंछा लगा देता है

और diswasher बर्तन धो देता है

ज़िंदगी इतनी mechanized हो गई है कि इंसान ख़ुद mechanical हो गया है -

इन्हीं यंत्रों पर निर्भर –

Essay chatGPT लिख देता है

और ज़ुकाम की दवा Google बता देता है

AI मेरा powerpoint presentation बना देता है

और Google wallet मेरी जेब ढीली कर जाता है

बस इन्हीं generative और predictive AI से हमारी दुनिया चलती रहती है -

एक समय जहांँ तंत्र विद्या सर्वोपरि थी -

अब वहीं यंत्र विद्या का बोलबाला है -

कल तक जहांँ हम यंत्र चलाते थे

अब यंत्र हमें चलाते हैं

अब robots human-like हो गए हैं

और humans mechanised 

जहाँ कल तक मैं काग़ज़ पर क़लम से कविता रचती थी -

अब वही जगह smartphones और stupid उँगलियों ने ले रखी है!

सुना था कलयुग पुनः स्थापित होगा -

कहीं यह उसी कल-युग का अंदेशा तो नहीं?

Repaint, repolish, refine?

Sitting in a parlour,

Vanity at its peak! 

While you can change your appearance in a jiffy -

If only, you could have perfected your character in the same time!

Long hair, short hair, no hair -

Whatever your choice -

Decide!

And have a cash memo ready at your disposal.

Get your hair color changed like a chameleon’s - to match with the surroundings or not at all!

Your choice paramount!

Posters of polished plastic beauties entrapping me,

As I am confronted with the pertinent question -

Will tweaking my appearance again,

Conform to my and society’s overhyped standards?

While a few women are doing just that in front of me -

Curling/straightening the hair, getting their makeup done -

Getting ‘repainted’, ‘repolished’, ‘refined’?

Unsettled -

I am lost in this monologue...

As the stylist signals 'It's your turn, madam’

Shifting in my chair,

I realise, it's time -

to get ‘repainted’, ‘repolished’, ‘refined’?

Matters of the heart

❤️

The size of your heart 

matters more -

than the circumference of your waist.

Period.

I am not talking physiologically,

But -

you get my point

At least, I hope!

Ohh! believe me 

I really do hope -

That -

The next time I gulp a laddoo down 

It will -

Increase the size of, ehh -

My heart of course -

What were you thinking?

Nevermind,

Let's not travel down that trajectory!

You see the point I am trying to make -

Is -

Beauty is skin deep - 

Or -

Shall I say, umm, belly deep?

What matters more is -

The stuff you are made of -

Tada -

Cells! 

Again, you get my point!

No really, the size of your heart 

Despite all its defects

Will matter more in the long run,

Will fetch you medals in the long run -

Because -

Olympics, of course! Duh!

It matters more than the money in your pocket

And -

A quick brain in your socket

Seriously, if you have a big belly -

Go belly dancing!

It will do you good -

Literally and otherwise.

Heart rules while belly swoons!

दमदार दो!

जहाँ हैं वहीं पर हैं

दो मिनिट से

दो दिन से 

दो महीने से

दो अरसे से

कहीं और हो सकते थे

कहीं और होते

कहीं और होना भी चाहिए था।

बस कागज़ और कलम की जगह

कंप्यूटर और कीबोर्ड/ फ़ोन और उंगलियों से बुदबुदाते रहतें हैं

लिखते हैं

ग़लत लिखते हैं

फिर सही लिखते हैं

पर ग़लत करते हैं 

जो लिखा है 

वो भला कैसे ग़लत हो सकता है

जो लिखा है वही तो सही होता है

जो सही होता है वही तो होना होता है

कुछ होने के पीछे कुछ अच्छा होना होता है

बस बातों से बातें बनाना जानते हैं

शब्दों से लिखावट

कुछ होने को समझाना जानते हैं

कुछ न होने को भी।

सांसों के साथ समय निगलते जाते हैं 

समय के साथ सांसें

समय हाथों में जकड़ी रेत समान फिसलता जाता है

पलट कर वापस भी नहीं देखता

कुछ देर थमता भी नहीं

निरंतर चलता जाता है

तुम्हारे साथ

तुम्हारे बिना

उसे फ़र्क नहीं पड़ता

और न ऐहसास होता है 

तुम्हारे होने का

तुम्हारा ना होना भी –

तुम्हारे होने जैसा

सब बराबर है

फिर क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है

कि मैं कौन हूंँ

तुम कौन हो

वो कौन है

फ़र्क इतना ही कि

दो शब्द जो मैंने कहे

और दो शब्द जो तुमने पढ़े

उनमें सिर्फ़ दो आँखों का अंतर था

और दो नज़रियों का फ़ाँसला - 

वैसे दो बातें तो हम हमेशा करते ही रहते हैं

जैसे अभी कीं!

तुम मेरी उड़ान कब तक रोक पाओगे?

कहोगे घर की चार दीवारी में आसान है ज़िंँदगी़

बाहर घनघोर जंगल है, पार नहीं कर पाओगी 

रात हो चली है, बाधा आएगी, अंधेरे में मत जाना

अकेले जीवन कैसे पार कर पाओगी?

पर मैं तो पंछी हू‌ँ, उड़ान भरना मेरी फ़ितरत है

मुझे रोकोगे, मेरे सपनों को कैसे रोकोगे

आख़िर, पिंजर तोड़, आस्मान पार कर जाऊंँगी

आज यदि बंदी हूंँ भी, कल आज़ाद हो जाऊंँगी

तुम मेरी, मेरे सपनों की उड़ान आख़िर कब तक रोक पाओगे?

चुनतियों को लाँघकर जीवन जीना सीखा है

बिखरी हूँ कई बार, जुड़ने की अहमियत समझती हूँ

सपने बुनने की ही नहीं, पूरा करने का हौंसला रखती हूँ

आज यदि हताश हूँ, तो कल उल्लासित हो जाऊंँगी

जीवन की बागडोर स्वयं पार कर लूँगी

मैं तो उन्मुक्त पंछी हूँ, गिरने के बाद उड़ना, मेरी फ़ितरत है 

तुम मेरी उड़ान कब तक रोक पाओगे?

जीवन/अनूठी याद

सांसों का आवागमन

दिल की धड़कन

रक्त का प्रवाह

दिमाग का संचालन

बस यही तो है जीवन

जीवित होने का प्रमाण 

तो क्यों इस सरल जीवन को कठिन रूप देना

समाज के कार्यकलापों में बंधना 

जब मिट्टी से है उद्गम 

पुनः उसी मिट्टी में समापन

तो व्यर्थ है व्याकुलता

मनुष्य की विडंबना

भौतिक सुख की अपेक्षा

या भवकूप से मोह 

मनुष्य ना अपनी देह है

ना अपनी रूह

ना अपनी सांसे

ना अपनी कोशिकाएं

ना भौतिकपदार्थ

ना परिवारजन

ना ही जीवन

कुछ समय पश्चात 

जीवन ख़त्म होने के पर्यांत 

कुछ यादों में सिमटना

ही इंसान का स्वरूप

क्या पाया क्या खोया

सब धरा में धरा रह जाएगा

शायद कुछ रह जाएगा 

तो कुछ नेक काज

कुछ बांटी मुस्कुराहटें

और समाज

हम ख़ुद को जैसे भी आँकें 

परंतु हम अपरिहार्य नहीं 

जीवन का पहिया हमारे साथ या

हमारे बिना भी निरंतर चलता जाएगा

तो जब तक हैं 

खुश रहिए, खुश रखिए

यादें बांटिए, यादें संजोईये 

और कुछ समय बाद 

ख़ुद याद बनने से पूर्व

ख़ुद को एक खुशहाल जीवन का उपहार दीजिए

और समाज को एक उम्दा याद का उदाहरण।

Self-respect

Respect isn't an alternative,

It is an absolute mandate -

for oneself and for others.

For, if you don't respect yourself

How can you expect others to respect you?

You blame yourself for something -

or maybe everything 

And don't shower yourself with compassion you have for the universe!

Charity begins at home -

and home is an extension of one's own self -

So, living with self compassion is the only way to live and love... 

You have to be your best friend -

You have to treat yourself with the same respect and compassion you have for your best friend.

Just how a drop multiplies into an ocean,

your compassion/disrespect towards yourself will transcend into everyone either loving you/disrespecting you!

Never allow anyone to walk over you, 

if they can't walk with you, 

let them walk away from you. 

We can only grow by supporting each other -

by respecting the universe like one big family 

and its byproduct (- ourselves) with self-respect.

Hustle or settle?

Happy hustling! Happy holi! 🎉 🎨

The burning question - hustle or settle!

In the humdrum of routine life,

We choose a path -

The path -

Which is -

Either easy - 

or weary -

And that determines our lives...

Often people settle with mediocre jobs and - as a consequence - mediocre lives -

Because, they are reassuring and -

Less threatening and -

Easier and - 

Less painful

Than -

Treading a complicated path -

Taking a tough bend -

Which takes a blend of -

Courage, resilience, sheer

Determination and -

The refusal to give up!

We want to hustle

But,

We choose settling instead -

Or find a balance somewhere in between both

And -

Console ourselves -

Rather than -

Confronting ourselves -

Confronting our dreams -

What makes us tick -

What fuels our fire -

What makes us different from the other billion!

'Maybe in some other life', we reason and console ourselves instead.

It takes guts, nerves, unabashed audacity

To risk it all, to hustle non-stop -

Come what may, night and day!

So instead we soothe our nerves, suit ourselves, let our fire die by not paying any heed to what our calling is.

But, sooner or later, there comes a time when we have to decide -

Risk it all or - none at all

And the choice between hustling or settling -

Must be taken -

Which decides the course of the rest of our lives.

And mind you - it's never an easy choice - 

Hard choices always make an easy life - just as - 

Easy choices, hard life!

So, toil on!

Never settle, when you can hustle!

घर

जिस घर में हम रहते हैं -

वह घर हममें बसता है।

ईंट, पत्थर, बालू से रचा घर -

खून, पसीने, प्यार की बुनियाद से पनपता है।

घर एक स्थान से बढ़कर,

एक भावना है -

एक खुशहाल, सुरक्षित भावना।

घर में रहकर भी लोग घर ढूंढते हुए उम्र गुज़ार देते हैं

या घर से दूर रहकर भी घर सा सुकून महसूस कर पाते हैं।

घर बनाने में उम्र लग जाती है और मिटाने में कुछ क्षण।

कुछ लोग घर में रहकर भी घर जैसे नहीं लगते,

तो कुछ कहीं भी रहकर भी घर से लगते हैं।

कई बार घर बनाने के लिए घर छोड़ना बहुत ज़रूरी होता है,

और घर की अहमियत समझने के लिए भी।

कभी पूरा धरातल ही हमारा घर लगता है,

तो कभी घर होना भी एक सपना सा लगता है।

हर घर अपनी कहानी संजोता है,

घर वो सुकून है जो हम सबसे, हम सबमें बसता है।

The complete half

It's not easy being a woman

Hell, not even being a man

But, having first-hand experience of the former

Would shed some light on that -

We are always sexualized - be it in the media or in our day-to-day lives.

Eyes ogle us everywhere, while walking down the streets or in the 'comforts' of our own home - when an outsider pays a 'friendly' visit.

People would brush into you purposely nevermind the sorry at the end which sorts everything -

See, they want a feel of you - nevermind, at the cost of you.

It's not easy being a woman in a largely patriarchal society

Where a certain age decides whether you are worthy of getting married

And your consent is least prioritised.

Family comes first - no arguments with that!

But the expectation that there's nothing wrong with a woman sacrificing her dreams to prioritise her family might be.

Ideally, the dilemma every woman faces at some point in her life - you first or family first - isn't fair and shouldn't even be a choice.

It's not easy living as second rate citizens in a world which overhypes the importance of being first in everything.

We are half the world and yet - the objectified half, the battered half, the tortured half, the bossy half, the slutty half, the half which needs a better half to be complete!

We are - half-full, half-pretty, half-sincere, half-creators, half-creative, half of the world which is full by itself!

And more than anyone else, it's high time women realize that half is complete! Half is enough! They are enough!

For the society lays down rules which can be mended by the half comprising the society!

So men and women must reunite and must take a stand for their respective halves!