Learnings...

Dancing, singing, writing, and playing, respectively... 

(In collage and life, in general)

The past few months have witnessed my growth -

Just the way they have since my birth,

And yet I feel I have felt my most mercurial  during these months -

From executing a career switch to barely escaping conforming to society's standards,

I will admit it has been tough and yet rewarding.

With all the little and big handicaps one is plagued with and empowered by

Well to be fair, mostly empowered by...

Because it is not the problem that propagates, rather your perspective of it;

Positivity always empowers even when the situation seems outrageously negative -

Philosophy is something that gets me by at the end of the day;

They say it's all in the head -

Words of wisdom might as well make it worthwhile all the while;

Surprising how something as intangible as philosophy can be so concrete 

To mould our lives and how!

Circling back to the past few months -

When I wrote little, thought more;

Cribbed little (at least tried to), lived more;

Always awed by how freedom can liberate and evoke responsibility, both, at the same time 

One write-up wouldn't do complete justice to the myriad learnings from the moments gone by

So, I promise to continue evolving this writing journey (and otherwise too) with you

Until next time!

Adios!!

Mumbai diaries

An ode marking my recent trips to Mumbai...

Sitting in a chair in a locality where nothing changes

At least nothing that meets the eye

The past few days colored the same as another few distant days

Everything is the same

In contrast to the hustle and bustle of a city that consumed me 

Head to toe

All of my senses

Aamchi Mumbai - a city as vibrant and colorful as chaos itself

The city is always alive with the constant chatter of its people and livestock...

Even the desolate ant is busy climbing a mountain

The ant that is me and the mountain that is the forever consuming schedule 

Tending to one errand after the other

And to top it - even in this chaotic madness, nature and life - 

find a way to survive, to prosper -

To build a livelihood that is self sustaining...

A proof of the fact that even in the extremities - nature and life thrive

The more you push yourself the greater you become

Because it's not really you - it is the law of survival at all odds 

And I am sure while I am consumed by thinking and jotting all of this down, 

Mumbai must still be dancing in its rhythm to the tunes of a zillion hearts that keep the city alive, and an ecosystem that forever thrives...

The reader

A tribute to the reader in each one of us...

Meet the reader -

In a small corner of the busy room

Absorbed in his new muse - a new book, turning every page meticulously 

Furrowing his brow - 

At every turn of event the story unfolds

Trying to put sense to every word the author has written

Oblivious to what is happening around him - 

The natural scheme of things

To him, the book is the divine Lord, he must perceive to understand through the tale the author - his disciple narrates.

And the journey of reading no less than seeking the divine - 

equivalent to no more, no less than his life

I have signed a silent pact with this reader

To try and understand him -

And, dare say 

Become him -

In the time that follows 

By succumbing to the silent devotion,

The reader partakes to seek the one.

Rise from the ashes!

Finding hope and at the same time, acknowledging the importance of 'dark' days...

While good days have not always been my saviour...

Bad days have.

In life's darkest moments, when hope seems scanty, the light of dark days keeps me going —

Because...

Dark days aren't all dark, they are made of teeny-weeny fragments of light —

You have to look for;

And if you see beyond your pain, your suffering, these teeny-weeny bits flood you, trust me —

Because you refuse to bend down, no matter what

Like a phoenix rises from its ashes,

And reclaims what's hers...

It is in these dark moments, I see God

When life's sailing smoothly and everything is picture-perfect

I tend to lose the sight of God, the bigger picture, take him for granted...

But when the times are dark and I embrace them, feel more deeply, 

I can see God's hand resting on my shoulder, telling me — everything is ok

And everything really is, you just have to shift your perspective 

The glass that is half-empty is waiting to be filled 

And while dark days might be a ton, they aren't devoid of light

You just have to look hard enough, see through them

For it is then you witness the miracle that is God, who is carrying you in his arms,

Guiding you towards light and hope and life

For, if you don't embrace darkness, how will you appreciate the light?

Amen!

The little things

Driving home the importance of little things...

Feeling the warmth of the sunlight lightening my face

The breeze gently caressing my hair

The birds twittering and hopping from tree to tree

The surprising sound of sheer stillness surrounding me

God has his ways of enthralling you

If only we let ourselves be, let our hearts see, soak in the nature's glee

Spreading the twinkle in our eyes, paving it's way to our lips 

Further more smiling from ear to ear

Showing our teeth, painting a pretty laughter 

On one of God's canvases—our faces and ourselves 

It is the little things that multiply into bigger, better things

A tiny, toddler drop orchestrates and ornaments the gigantic ocean 

If we are present every moment, 

through every cell encompassing our being, 

we create a life worth living, 

cherishing every second in its entirety...

So if we take care of just this moment, it will exponentiate into trillion others 

Creating a song that will resonate with generations

It's that simple and might I say—difficult as well

The simple things in life are ironically, extraordinarily the most difficult

And yet if we consistently nurture our conviction, keep hustling, keep toiling 

Turning each little thing into a timeless larger scheme of things...

Every moment magnifies into a masterpiece,

The masterpiece that was once a momentary marvel...

Gratitude

For gratitude results from practice, we  should all cultivate...

Whatever there is, is a gift.

The present we must value - every present moment.

But as humans we tend to forget it.

Take everything for granted.

That is why we have to constantly remind ourselves -

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude 

For all that's beautiful in this world.

We are here for sometime

Let us be grateful for all there is, for our existence, for mother nature, for fellow humans, for anything and everything, now and forever!

When we acknowledge the larger scheme of things

There is a shift in our mindset too

Which is why being grateful holds so much importance 

While one might complain, I have nothing to be grateful for, think again -

Really, you have every reason to be grateful,

And you have to consistently build the habit

It's not about what you have but the practice.

So, if you are reading this, I urge you to close your eyes for one minute 

And remind yourself of three good things you are grateful for -

Now, don't be stingy, we all have abundance, we just have to soak that in -

And after you are done, open your eyes with a big bright smile on your face.

Now, how did that feel? Grateful, powerful, isn't it?

And I am grateful to you for taking this time to acknowledge our blessings.

And also, goes without saying, reading my posts and providing your inputs, big and small...

More power to us and this simple yet powerful act of gratitude 🙏 

छत

आज जब घर की छत पर आई

तो मुलाकात हुई उसी अनुभव से जो पुराने घर की छत सा था

जिसकी आँखों से देखो तो आसमान हजारों ख़्वाब लिए चमकता था

और पहली बारिश की बूंदें उसी तरह मुझे तरोताज़ा करती थीं 

बस हम बच्चों की किलकारियों की जगह सड़कों पर चल रहीं गाड़ियों के हॉर्न में कब तब्दील हो गई?

जहाँ एक पूरा जाना पहचाना सा मोहल्ला एक नए अपरिचित शहर की जगह ले चुका है

और वही जानी पहचानी सी गली न जाने किस ओर जा चली है

तारे अब भी उसी स्वरूप में टिमटिमाते हैं इस छत से भी यह देख कर कुछ सुकून सा मिलता है

जो बहुत यत्नों के बाद महसूस मालूम पड़ता है 

जैसे पिछला घर छत का पर्यायवाची था

यह घर बगीचे का

जिसका एहसास इस छत से भी महसूस होता ही है 

शाम रात में तब्दील हो चली है

और हवाऐं मुझे अपने साथ उन्हीं यादों में बहाकर ले चली हैं

जिनका अस्तित्व मेरे अंतर्मन में आज भी एक महक सा चहक रहा है।

Miss Funnybones

This one is primarily for all the laughs...

I don't require your validation to proclaim I am a genius!

Nor my brain's chemical imbalance that, duh, reiterates the prophecy!

I was proclaimed as the Almighty's offspring the second I was born,

Blessed with beauty even Aishwarya Rai lacked, and brains second only to Albert Einstein!

Nevermind the pompous attitude displayed from time to time!

Jack of all trades but master of none!

I start everything yet stop before the work's done?

Glowing skin? Maybe, but grey hair!

Sorry, no takers!

O have mercy, only (Greek) God can save her!

For, genius or no genius, miserable you are!

Specially abled maybe, cruelly labelled - aah!

With all that was said and least that was understood!

Goes without saying and some soul stirring,

Still, all I want is nothing less than everything!

युद्ध

I

एक युद्ध ऐसा भी

महाभारत जैसा ही

भाई पर भाई टूटेंगे

मर्यादा के भाग फूटेंगे

एक बाज़ी लगाई जाएगी

स्त्री दांव पर खेली जायेगी

कृष्ण उसे बचाने आयेंगे 

जब सब विकल्प मिट जाएंगे

घोर अन्याय बचाएगा 

जब अर्जुन शस्त्र उठाएगा

कृष्ण को बनाकर अपना सारथी

जटिल युद्ध का पार्थी 

उसके भी हाथ फूले थे 

सोचने में विवश डूबे थे

कैसा युद्ध है बताओ कृष्ण

अपनों पर जहां वार भीषण

अर्जुन को व्याकुल पाया

अपना रूप विराट दिखाया

हरि की छवि को देख

अर्जुन का शांत हुआ विवेक

कमरकस तैयार हुआ रण 

जो भी हो अब जीवन या मरण

बाणों पर बाण चले

धनुर्धर विकराल मुर्छित पड़े 

कैसा संग्राम बहा लहु अचल

जीत हुई पुनः सत्य की अटल।

II

एक युद्ध ऐसा ही

महाभारत जैसा ही

धारणा पर धारणा टूटेगी

व्याकुलता मन में फूटेगी

फिर घोर अन्याय तुम बचाना 

सेज सत्य की फिर सजाना 

बौखलाना, ढांढस खोना 

फिर संभल जाना, कमर कसना 

उठाना विवेक रूपी शस्त्र

कर देना मूर्छित तनाव 

जीवन का विराट रूप देख

पुनः अपना साहस लपेट 

सूझबूझ और ज्ञान तमाम समेट 

हरा देना दुराचारी अन्याय 

सत्य सदैव स्थापित होगा 

मनुज वहीं प्रकाशित होगा।।

Words take your breath away!

It's only words and words that all I have to take your breath away!!!

Who said that these are just ink blots on paper -

Words have the power to transcend

To lift you off from your feet

To make your mind take flight

All the while you are seated with your toes firmly planted on the ground

Books have that magic

The writer is a magician

He will plant a seed 

That will reap

Bloom into a flower in no time

And you'll be a witness to it

She will be

They will be

All will witness

The beauty of words

That mean so much more than their mere presence

They have the ability 

To put you to tears

To lift you from misery

To evoke your emotions

To paint your pretty laughter

Yes, words and books make that difference

The difference to you and me that is what's laid in front of you right here that you are -

Reading,

Seeking,

Imbibing!

The real success

Pondering over what 'success' really means...

Success means different things to different people

A flourishing career/ perfect relationship/ astounding health/ meaningful friendships...

The list is endless...

And while it can be all of these things or none of these 

It solely depends on your perception 

And at some point you realise that actual success is far greater than you

Your perception 

Your being 

While it is about you of-course

It transcends you too

Always the bigger picture

Isn't it?

While at some point we all chase success

Real success doesn't need to be chased

The greater good/ service to humankind/ a life lived/ a life loved

These might actually mean more than you and me and maybe success 

And more...

And when you have it figured out, I believe that -

Is the real success!

You have Yourself - And the world resides in You!

Solitude teaches you

That you never really are solitary 

You have yourself

Your biggest support system -

To hold your back

Always!

And times can be rough,

As they sometimes will be;

When, you might feel alone

But, it might seem that way

You never really are alone

You have yourself!

To support

And count on -

Come what may

Night and day -

And that will make all the difference!

So, the next time you feel cornered

Remember this, you are not!

You have yourself -

And the world resides in you! 

Depressed Monologue

#Mental health matters. More power 💪 to anyone going through difficult times 🙏. Wrote this in the wake of some difficult time.

Disclaimer: Just tried to paint my agony in words, all's well.

😔

Sometimes I want to disappear.

Heck, I want to disappear now.

In the darkest of doom

I want to be engulfed

Its clouds so thick, with my tears welling in them 

I want to disappear 

Behind the lens of my imaginary spectacles

Or somebody else's 

I want to cry

I want to cry out so faint and yet so loud

My vocal chords collapse.

I want to burst out of the clouds

Teardrops pouring down cats and dogs

Cats and dogs, I envy them sometimes 

Their brains or rather, the lack of them

Don't stress themselves nor stress others.

Stress is the only constant in my life

I've known in all shapes and forms.

While, some say change is the only constant.

Yes, change is when it takes the form of stress of any form, in my case anyhow.

Gosh! I am so stressed I can't tell if it's morning or noon.

The mornings disappear into noons and the noons to midnights.

And the midnight has me succumbing to stress and I can’t sleep

Can't rest

For stress won't let me

I digress and digress and disappear and reappear 

Into daydreams which turn into nightmares at night.

These days seem like I am living a nightmare.

Only nightmares are easy, you get to wake up out of them.

I wish I wasn't such a pain, I wish I had known less pain.

Only if wishes were reality!

Such an irony! My wishes are my reality ‘coz i know no reality!

I feel like I am a ghost 

scaring the shit out of myself

Only if I hadn't been as depressed

I would read this as funny

I wish I was funny, the only thing funny right now is my existence or rather, the lack of it.

I feel I am dead - inhaling and exhaling the last few breaths of my existence.

I feel so dead I can't tell the moon from the sun, nor the sun from the stars 

I feel like I am a star 

Not any star - a black hole - a star which has consumed itself -

So much that neither light nor life nor hope can escape out of it.

Yes, I am a black hole.

Devoid of any hope or future

Pitch dark!

Oh if my thoughts were weapons, I would've murdered myself!

Alas, I am lying on bed writing this gibberish lest it turns into poetry.

Poetry is the only thing I am good at lately, it seems

Keeping me alive 

My life, rather the lack of it, would've deserted me and claimed me dead eons ago otherwise!

कल-युग?

Something to ponder over...

P.S. - 'कल' is another word for machine... 

हमारे ज़माने में TV को idiot box कहते थे क्योंकि लोग smart होते थे -

और अब?

समझ गए होंगे (या नहीं! - smart हैं आख़िर?)

अब तो सब smart हैं -

Phones, fans, bulbs, glasses! 

फिर इंसान कैसे पीछे रह गए?

कहीं हर gadget को smart बनाते बनाते - हम ख़ुद बेवकूफ़ तो नहीं बन गए?

Smartphones देखते हुए समय बर्बाद करते हैं

Smart TV देखते हुए आँखें!

फिर smart glasses पहन कर रुतबा कायम करते हैं?

अपना दिमाग़ यंत्रों में डालकर Artificially intelligent कहलाते हैं?

क्या विडंबना है –

Drive करके walk करने जाते हैं

Rumba झाड़ू पोंछा लगा देता है

और diswasher बर्तन धो देता है

ज़िंदगी इतनी mechanized हो गई है कि इंसान ख़ुद mechanical हो गया है -

इन्हीं यंत्रों पर निर्भर –

Essay chatGPT लिख देता है

और ज़ुकाम की दवा Google बता देता है

AI मेरा powerpoint presentation बना देता है

और Google wallet मेरी जेब ढीली कर जाता है

बस इन्हीं generative और predictive AI से हमारी दुनिया चलती रहती है -

एक समय जहांँ तंत्र विद्या सर्वोपरि थी -

अब वहीं यंत्र विद्या का बोलबाला है -

कल तक जहांँ हम यंत्र चलाते थे

अब यंत्र हमें चलाते हैं

अब robots human-like हो गए हैं

और humans mechanised 

जहाँ कल तक मैं काग़ज़ पर क़लम से कविता रचती थी -

अब वही जगह smartphones और stupid उँगलियों ने ले रखी है!

सुना था कलयुग पुनः स्थापित होगा -

कहीं यह उसी कल-युग का अंदेशा तो नहीं?

Repaint, repolish, refine?

Sitting in a parlour,

Vanity at its peak! 

While you can change your appearance in a jiffy -

If only, you could have perfected your character in the same time!

Long hair, short hair, no hair -

Whatever your choice -

Decide!

And have a cash memo ready at your disposal.

Get your hair color changed like a chameleon’s - to match with the surroundings or not at all!

Your choice paramount!

Posters of polished plastic beauties entrapping me,

As I am confronted with the pertinent question -

Will tweaking my appearance again,

Conform to my and society’s overhyped standards?

While a few women are doing just that in front of me -

Curling/straightening the hair, getting their makeup done -

Getting ‘repainted’, ‘repolished’, ‘refined’?

Unsettled -

I am lost in this monologue...

As the stylist signals 'It's your turn, madam’

Shifting in my chair,

I realise, it's time -

to get ‘repainted’, ‘repolished’, ‘refined’?

Matters of the heart

❤️

The size of your heart 

matters more -

than the circumference of your waist.

Period.

I am not talking physiologically,

But -

you get my point

At least, I hope!

Ohh! believe me 

I really do hope -

That -

The next time I gulp a laddoo down 

It will -

Increase the size of, ehh -

My heart of course -

What were you thinking?

Nevermind,

Let's not travel down that trajectory!

You see the point I am trying to make -

Is -

Beauty is skin deep - 

Or -

Shall I say, umm, belly deep?

What matters more is -

The stuff you are made of -

Tada -

Cells! 

Again, you get my point!

No really, the size of your heart 

Despite all its defects

Will matter more in the long run,

Will fetch you medals in the long run -

Because -

Olympics, of course! Duh!

It matters more than the money in your pocket

And -

A quick brain in your socket

Seriously, if you have a big belly -

Go belly dancing!

It will do you good -

Literally and otherwise.

Heart rules while belly swoons!

दमदार दो!

जहाँ हैं वहीं पर हैं

दो मिनिट से

दो दिन से 

दो महीने से

दो अरसे से

कहीं और हो सकते थे

कहीं और होते

कहीं और होना भी चाहिए था।

बस कागज़ और कलम की जगह

कंप्यूटर और कीबोर्ड/ फ़ोन और उंगलियों से बुदबुदाते रहतें हैं

लिखते हैं

ग़लत लिखते हैं

फिर सही लिखते हैं

पर ग़लत करते हैं 

जो लिखा है 

वो भला कैसे ग़लत हो सकता है

जो लिखा है वही तो सही होता है

जो सही होता है वही तो होना होता है

कुछ होने के पीछे कुछ अच्छा होना होता है

बस बातों से बातें बनाना जानते हैं

शब्दों से लिखावट

कुछ होने को समझाना जानते हैं

कुछ न होने को भी।

सांसों के साथ समय निगलते जाते हैं 

समय के साथ सांसें

समय हाथों में जकड़ी रेत समान फिसलता जाता है

पलट कर वापस भी नहीं देखता

कुछ देर थमता भी नहीं

निरंतर चलता जाता है

तुम्हारे साथ

तुम्हारे बिना

उसे फ़र्क नहीं पड़ता

और न ऐहसास होता है 

तुम्हारे होने का

तुम्हारा ना होना भी –

तुम्हारे होने जैसा

सब बराबर है

फिर क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है

कि मैं कौन हूंँ

तुम कौन हो

वो कौन है

फ़र्क इतना ही कि

दो शब्द जो मैंने कहे

और दो शब्द जो तुमने पढ़े

उनमें सिर्फ़ दो आँखों का अंतर था

और दो नज़रियों का फ़ाँसला - 

वैसे दो बातें तो हम हमेशा करते ही रहते हैं

जैसे अभी कीं!

तुम मेरी उड़ान कब तक रोक पाओगे?

कहोगे घर की चार दीवारी में आसान है ज़िंँदगी़

बाहर घनघोर जंगल है, पार नहीं कर पाओगी 

रात हो चली है, बाधा आएगी, अंधेरे में मत जाना

अकेले जीवन कैसे पार कर पाओगी?

पर मैं तो पंछी हू‌ँ, उड़ान भरना मेरी फ़ितरत है

मुझे रोकोगे, मेरे सपनों को कैसे रोकोगे

आख़िर, पिंजर तोड़, आस्मान पार कर जाऊंँगी

आज यदि बंदी हूंँ भी, कल आज़ाद हो जाऊंँगी

तुम मेरी, मेरे सपनों की उड़ान आख़िर कब तक रोक पाओगे?

चुनतियों को लाँघकर जीवन जीना सीखा है

बिखरी हूँ कई बार, जुड़ने की अहमियत समझती हूँ

सपने बुनने की ही नहीं, पूरा करने का हौंसला रखती हूँ

आज यदि हताश हूँ, तो कल उल्लासित हो जाऊंँगी

जीवन की बागडोर स्वयं पार कर लूँगी

मैं तो उन्मुक्त पंछी हूँ, गिरने के बाद उड़ना, मेरी फ़ितरत है 

तुम मेरी उड़ान कब तक रोक पाओगे?

जीवन/अनूठी याद

सांसों का आवागमन

दिल की धड़कन

रक्त का प्रवाह

दिमाग का संचालन

बस यही तो है जीवन

जीवित होने का प्रमाण 

तो क्यों इस सरल जीवन को कठिन रूप देना

समाज के कार्यकलापों में बंधना 

जब मिट्टी से है उद्गम 

पुनः उसी मिट्टी में समापन

तो व्यर्थ है व्याकुलता

मनुष्य की विडंबना

भौतिक सुख की अपेक्षा

या भवकूप से मोह 

मनुष्य ना अपनी देह है

ना अपनी रूह

ना अपनी सांसे

ना अपनी कोशिकाएं

ना भौतिकपदार्थ

ना परिवारजन

ना ही जीवन

कुछ समय पश्चात 

जीवन ख़त्म होने के पर्यांत 

कुछ यादों में सिमटना

ही इंसान का स्वरूप

क्या पाया क्या खोया

सब धरा में धरा रह जाएगा

शायद कुछ रह जाएगा 

तो कुछ नेक काज

कुछ बांटी मुस्कुराहटें

और समाज

हम ख़ुद को जैसे भी आँकें 

परंतु हम अपरिहार्य नहीं 

जीवन का पहिया हमारे साथ या

हमारे बिना भी निरंतर चलता जाएगा

तो जब तक हैं 

खुश रहिए, खुश रखिए

यादें बांटिए, यादें संजोईये 

और कुछ समय बाद 

ख़ुद याद बनने से पूर्व

ख़ुद को एक खुशहाल जीवन का उपहार दीजिए

और समाज को एक उम्दा याद का उदाहरण।

Self-respect

Respect isn't an alternative,

It is an absolute mandate -

for oneself and for others.

For, if you don't respect yourself

How can you expect others to respect you?

You blame yourself for something -

or maybe everything 

And don't shower yourself with compassion you have for the universe!

Charity begins at home -

and home is an extension of one's own self -

So, living with self compassion is the only way to live and love... 

You have to be your best friend -

You have to treat yourself with the same respect and compassion you have for your best friend.

Just how a drop multiplies into an ocean,

your compassion/disrespect towards yourself will transcend into everyone either loving you/disrespecting you!

Never allow anyone to walk over you, 

if they can't walk with you, 

let them walk away from you. 

We can only grow by supporting each other -

by respecting the universe like one big family 

and its byproduct (- ourselves) with self-respect.